


Crashing Sun

by Salomeia



Category: Shame (2011), Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Denial, Gen, M/M, Past Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 13:11:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2310827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salomeia/pseuds/Salomeia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fusion fic, Supernatural/Shame.</p><p>Dean comes to visit Sam after a decade.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crashing Sun

After dad died Sam went back to school. He was so done, that life, those people, everything. He didn't want that, he never had. So he went back and graduated and started to live his life, trying to forget, trying to forge a better life, free of the past. Funnily enough, it was easier said than done.

He fucked a lot of people along the way, maybe partly to alleviate loneliness, to connect. He'd had a good thing going on a year after he moved to NY, Michaela. She had been nice, good. And Sam had been happy, but then at a company Christmas party a new associate had given him a look. You know the look. He had just wanted to talk to her, make her feel welcome, honest. Yeah, so that had been the first person he had cheated his girlfriend with. 

After that it had felt almost inevitable, who had he been kidding? In the end he got caught fucking some guy he had met on the subway, they had been going at on his kitchen table. Sam doesn't know how long she had been there before he noticed. He used to be ashamed for it, but not anymore, what was the point? It was easier to just have one night stands anyway. He needed it. Sex.

A decade later Dean calls out of nowhere. They haven't seen each other in a long time, and Sam's kind of ambivalent about letting him stay, but in the end he does. Years have and haven't changed Dean. He's pretty gruff, but there's vulnerability in him that he doesn't remember seeing before. Sam leans against the doorframe as he looks at Dean, who's trying to work his espresso machine, standing there in his boxer briefs. He shakes his head, tries to ignore how uncomfortable he feels around his brother. He goes to take a shower.

He's in there, washing his hair as suddenly Dean slides open the shower door, saying something. "What the fuck!" Sam yells, startled, and backs up a little. "Get the fuck out."

Dean rises his hands, mock surrendering. He shrugs as he says, "Calm down, little brother. I was just asking if you have a regular coffee maker?"

Sam forces himself to stay still. "No," he says coldly.

Dean shrugs again and turns to leave. Sam grabs his towel and wraps it around himself tightly. 

*

Sam's out with Dean and couple of his work buddies. He doesn't like the way Dean's flirting with one of them, with his boss, Gary. He never used to do this with guys so openly, guess it's one of the things that changed too. Dean still hunts, so that hasn't and he still wears his old leather jacket. Sam still doesn't know why he's here. Dean hasn't told and he hasn't asked. He's not sure if he cares.

He tries not to care when Dean lets Gary kiss his neck and when Gary throws a smirk at Sam over his shoulder as they leave. Fucking asshole.  
Sam picks up a girl after they leave. They fuck at her apartment and he leaves right after. He feels cold as he's hails a cab.

In the morning Dean's back, watching GMA and eating cereal when Sam wakes up. Did Dean used to eat cereal? Sam can't remember and it makes something curl up in his stomach. He wants to ask if he's all right, but doesn't. He's fine, he's done this thousand time. Sam goes to make a cup of espresso.  
Dean wanders in to the kitchen as he works. "Gary was nice."

Sam looks up. "Not really," he says, not knowing why he should soften anything for Dean. "He's married."

Dean sits at the table and nods. "Doesn't make him a bad person."

"Doesn't make him a good person either." 

Dean doesn't say anything more, just leans his elbows against the table. "You know why I'm here?" He finally says when Sam puts a cup in front of him.  
Sam sits on the other side of table. He's probably never sat down before, in all the years he's lived here. "No."

"I almost died, a hunt went bad. A lot of people died, but in the end I didn't." Dean looks deep into his espresso cup as he talks as if he's going to find his answers there. Sam wants to tell him that if it's answers he's looking for then he's got a better chance with the cup than him. In the end he stays silent as Dean continues. "And I don't understand why. Why any of this."

Sam coughs, uneasy, knows he has to say something. "Yeah, I don't know, Dean. I'm--" empty? cold? "--tired."

Dean jumps up so fast his chair falls over, obviously taking his words meaning Sam's tired of Dean and he IS, but that's not what he meant. He runs after Dean who's barged into his spare bedroom and is pulling his stuff together as quickly as he can.

"Dean! Dean!" Sam yells. "I'm sorry, all right, I didn't mean it like that!"

"Yeah, you did." Dean snaps back and keeps on stuffing his few shirts and jeans into his bag. "I'm sorry for being so stupid as to think my own fucking brother would give me--" He stops, coughs, shakes his head. "Fuck it, I'm sorry for bothering you, it won't happen again."

The feeling of dread in Sam's stomach spreads everywhere in his body, he tries not to let his hands shake as he grabs Dean's. "Dean, I'm so sorry, okay. I'm sorry! They were important to you, who died, weren't they? They weren't just somebody?"

This calms Dean, he keeps his head down as he nods, swallows. 

They stay like that for minutes, Dean turned away, Sam holding his hand. "Yes," Dean finally says forcefully.

"I'm sorry," Sam repeats. Suddenly he's got Dean in his arms. Carefully he wraps his arms around Dean, lets Dean rest his head on his shoulder. For a little while it's good, it feels like home. Then he feels a ghost of lips on his throat. He first reaction is complete stillness, then his heart starts to race as the lips press a kiss on the crook of his jaw. Before he even knows it he's thrown Dean against the wall. They stare at each other.

"Get the fuck out of my house," he manages to say before he flees. 

He goes to work in a haze, glad he was already dressed, because he probably would've walked out naked if he hadn't been. 

He focuses on his work, doesn't stop for lunch, just gets more coffee.

It's almost 5pm when his assistant knocks the door. "Mr. Winchester, there's a call for you."

Frustrated, Sam scowls at her. "Yes, and I told you I wasn't to be disturbed! That is why I didn't take it before."

His unflappable assistant rises her eyebrows. "It's from the hospital. Something about your brother."

Time slows down. 

*

Sam holds Dean's hand on his, shutting his eyes against tears. It's quiet, the only sound being the comforting beeping of a heart monitor. The doctor had told him they weren't sure if he was going to live.

*

Sam sits on the park bench and lets himself cry for the first time in a long while.

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly, no character death.
> 
> Secondly, please don't be afraid to let me know what you thought! Good or bad. 
> 
> And last, [my tumblr.](http://salomeia.tumblr.com/) :)


End file.
